She's not a girl who misses much (aka The Job Fairy)

It usually takes me a day to digest life in such a way that I can blog about it. Yesterday was no exception.

If you've been reading my ramblings here, you'll know that I work for AIG. Our site here in beautiful hardworking Milwaukee, WI is being closed at the end of the year. There were massive layoffs in June, and most (not all) of the employees left at the site are known as 'transition employees'. Transition employees (I am one of them) have an 'expiry date'. There was an expiry date in September, where about 50 more employees were let go, and there's another expiry date coming Monday 10/26, where the rest of our employees (except for a skeleton crew) are being fired.

For this reason, our Employee Activity Committee decided to have Halloween cube decorating and a costume contest YESTERDAY. Only ONE (1) employee dressed up. No cubes were decorated. Why would someone haul in decorations only to have to take the shit down on Monday, when they're fired??

This employee who dressed up came as 'The Job Fairy'. No, go ahead, read that again. THE. JOB. FAIRY. She had wings, and a crown, and a big wand and fancy dress. She went to all of the (soon to be de-jobbed) employees and handed out certificates which say:

"A gift for you from The Job Fairy!
You will soon be chosen for a magnificent new job because you possess:

• A great attitude!
• A high degree of professionalism!
• Fantastic customer service skills!
• Adaptability to new environments!
• Wonderful critical thinking skills!

Remember to be confident because you are awesome!"

Later in the afternoon, our (douchebag useless fucktard asshat) HR sent out this email:

"I believe the Job Fairy is still in the building. She may even be visiting your area yet this afternoon. In case you have trouble spotting her, she is cleverly disguised as (employee name) with a fabulous dress, wings and a wand. Think "Glinda the Good Witch" from Wizard of Oz, but with dark hair."

I can't make this shit up. It's like I just lived through an episode of The Office.

But thank Buddha I have this certificate for this new job! Unemployment, destitution and foreclosure on my house narrowly avoided!!! PHEW!

Thank you Job Fairy!

FUCK YOU AIG

So yesterday I was forced to empty out my previous employees' desks. Let's just say it was emotionally 'vigorous'. Horrible to live through the memory of losing my team again, sitting at their desks... and tossing the documentation that was their lives' work into the recycle bin because "ah we just can't use that anymore. It's garbage. Toss it." Interesting and heart wrenching things found on my employees' desks:

Kelly: A handwritten note by her phone that read: "60 days paid notice, severance. Today is my last day."

Sally: Calculations of her retirement fund, made on scrap paper.

Justine: A folder from our "Training Summit" last year, a meeting during which we determined the five year direction and future of the department. She'd made smiley faces on it.

Karen: A copy of Mother Theresa's poem tacked up on her wall. I will reproduce it here:

People are often unreasonable, illogical, And self-centered; Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you Of selfish, ulterior motives;Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some False friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank; People may cheat you;Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis it is between you and God It was never between you and them anyway.

I folded the poem up and put it in my pocket. My team is gone, their desks are empty, and marked as such. It's like a field of paupers' graves, no markers to remember them by. Nobody cares.

I'm sad and failing and I don't care. Fuck this company and the wankers at the top and the middle. Just, fuck you, AIG.

(edited) TODAY is my birthday! It's all about ME!!

So, TODAY! I will turn 41. Here are some trivial facts about me:

• I was born in 1968 at 1:10 in the afternoon. Despite that, I do my best thinking in the early morning and am virtually useless by about 8pm. Many people say I don't look my age. That is because I have CHEATED. I get botox in my forehead, frown line, and in the corners of my eyes. The 'waxy look' myth that you've heard about botox is just that - a myth. If you have a good plastic surgeon, your face still moves. I have a very expressive face. I don't look like Bruce Jenner.
• I am tattooed. I believe strongly in safe and beautiful body art. Also, if one is to get words tattooed on oneself, one should make sure they are spelled correctly! I have one word tattooed on my body... my daughter's name. It is spelled correctly. In all, I have five tattoos, all of them on my torso. This is for ease of cover. Many people who work with me do not know I am 'inked', and that's how I like it. Here's a snap of my latest piece:

It's a red lotus (to remind me to be patient and compassionate to others) with the 'Om' above it. The 'Om' is the Hindi call to prayer, much like saying 'Amen'.

• Spirituality: I identify as Jewish/Buddhist (yeah, it's a mixed bag). I have attended both temple and Zen Meditation Center. However, there are so many things I trust and believe about Christianity, and I think the teachings of Christ are indispensible in order to form a young child's value system. You know, don't kill, lie, steal, be good to others, stand up for what you believe in, treat the least of you as you treat of the best of you, etc. That said, I agree with what His Holiness the Dalai Lama once said when he stated (and I'm paraphrasing): "I like your Christ, but I do not like your Christians. They are not like your Christ". What I think he meant was he couldn't deal with people who are judgemental.
• I love to read, but I'm not hoity toity when it comes to reading taste. I'm just as happy reading, say, Catcher in the Rye as I am reading a Harlequin Romance I nabbed from a rummage sale (as he softly touched her love nub, she moaned with pleasure).
• I never used to watch TV but now I'm a junky. I dig shows from Discovery Channel such as Dirty Jobs (big crush on Mike Rowe) and Mythbusters (let's blow shit up) but I also love Reality Hell and The Real (Trash) Housewives of Atlanta/NJ/OC/whereverthehell. fun!
• I picked up a beading addiction this year. So much fun, and now I have tons of jewelry! My current project is working on bracelets that a girlfriend is going to sell during the Breast Cancer walk this year. Should raise a ton of cash!
• I'm married, and have been for almost 8 years. My husband is my polar opposite, quiet, shy and reserved. He lets me steal the show. He's amazing. We have one child. Well, and two cats.
• I'll be unemployed starting in November. That's ok, though, I'm looking forward to the time off, as I've been in the workforce now since I was 13.
• I am a HUGE HUGE HUGE David Bowie fan. I mean, I adore the man. I've been a fan since age 7 and have seen him in concert five times. One time, I made it to the front of the stage and he held my hand whilst singing. It was an amazing moment. He's beautiful up close - alien, almost. His hands are cool and soft. He smells of citrus. He taught me so much through his music, and his interviews and all the goofy/inappropriate things he's done during his life. I credit him for my being open minded.
• I look for the good in people and ALWAYS find it. I love people, all kinds. If you are my 'Internet Friend', then you are my FRIEND. I look forward to meeting you someday.

Finally, I wanted to post a picture of my tiny family. Enjoy all these facts, this post should save you should I ever come up in a game of Jeopardy (not likely, ha ha):

OH, SQUEE INDEED!

So, I am MOTHER OF THE YEAR.

Yes. I am. Want to know why?

In spite of my imminent downsizing in November, I just dropped almost $200 for tickets to Miley (devil child) Cyrus for my SPOILT ROTTEN DARLING LITTLE GIRL.

Ms. Cyrus is playing the Bradley Center here in Milwaukee, Wisconsin in October. My daughter, like every other six year old American girl, is a HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE squealing fan. Wee One doesn't know that TEH HANNAH MONTANA!!!11!!ONE is coming to play in our area, so this is going to be a huge surprise for her, one that I shall spring on her when we walk into the doors of the event. I can't wait to see the look on her face.

Why did I do this? Here's why... when I was 14 years old, I managed to score 1 (one) ticket to the Serious Moonlight tour in Chicago, 90 minutes away from where I lived. I thought for sure my mother would take me to the concert, but she said no. Furthermore, on the day of the concert, just to make sure I couldn't go, she took my shoes with her to work. All of them. So, being the dedicated fan that I am, I went to the bus station in downtown Milwaukee, shoeless, took a bus to Chicago, a cab to the venue, saw David Bowie in concert, shoeless, and then arrived back to the bus station just in time to find out there were no return busses home. I had to sleep in the bus station.

The next day I was in big trouble. It was the only time my father ever hit me. BUT IT WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT. That was MY first concert.

I refuse to be that Mom. I want my daughter to have musical idols; I want her to enjoy live music. I want to be the Mom that takes her to concerts, even if they're Miley or Demi or Manson or NWA.

So GO MILEY! Should be interesting, anway. I hear she puts on a fun show!!

What's really happening... what tore us apart...

The title is from a Bowie song from one of his later albums, Reality.

So, here at my (ever dwindling) job, I'm part of a project that's been dubbed 'Project Genesis'. If I had my way, I'd call it 'Project Exodus' or even 'Project Revelations', since the gist of the project is to figure out a strategy to move all existing processes from our site (which is closing) to the Houston site.

Keep in mind, the two sites have had VERY DIFFERENT PROCESSES for the past ten or so years, and VERY DIFFERENT LEADERSHIP for the same decade. The leaders flex their respective nuts in very unique ways. We've got about 4 months to move EVERYTHING.

This week, I've sat through hours of meetings that consisted of the teams leaders (who are business managers, some of them tranferring to the new site, God bless em) saying, "oh... that's how you guys do that process... oh... that's really weird... that's not how we do it... wow... we got a lot of work to do here... geez... we better start thinking about how we're gonna do this, hey?"

Ya think? Four months, and Zan (me) is outie. They can offer to exend my layoff date (Nov. 23), but I'm thinking that I want to spend a lovely holiday with my family, and start clean slate in the new year. Opinions?

My beads, let me show you them

I'm not going to show my breasteses, not here, not on any blog. But I will show my beadwork. It's not the best but I am learning. I wish the lighting were better so that you could see how they sparkle but ah well. This is what you get with a cell phone camera.


First, here's a blue and white Swarovski bracelet I made:

Next is a violet and purple necklace I made with a pendant I bought at the craft store. I really liked the angel wing, and I think the cross is a funky addition.

Like I said, they sparkle nicely in the sun, with the crystals and all. Making them appeals to my sense of order and organization. Very calming... which is just what I need right now in a time of chaos.

Great weekend!

I had a nice long weekend with the fam. Plenty of time to forget about the job, and also to put it in perspective.

We did a lot of work around our little shack here, including opening our inground pool (yes, I have a pool, it came with the house). I found froggies. They were cute little boogers, two different species, one of them a big, brownish mellow dude I named Mr. Blorp and one a tiny yet loud bright green guy I dubbed Lil' Blorpy. Here they are:

Mr. Blorp:

Lil' Blorpy:

It's hard to know if either one was a prince, or Prince for that matter, since I didn't kiss them. I did spend a lot of time holding Mr. Blorp. He was pretty mellow, and very cute. He seemed pretty happy just chilling out with me.

Now that the pool is clean and fit for humans, however, it's less fit for frogs. Not as swamp like. Ah well. Sacrifices had to be made.